Making Friends as Adults

An idea on why it’s so hard.

Quotes Social Thoughts

2 minutes

Originally posted on Reddit.

How tf do you make friends as an adult?

Who has the answer? Someone tell me because this ish blows. Lol

It might not be the answer, but I have an idea. Posted this before, but I think it’s worth repeating:

When we were younger, we were put in situations where developing friendships was inevitable. School being the biggest of course, but also clubs, birthday parties, etc. But aside from just being put into these situations, it was also easier for us to trust. At that age, in those situations where everyone was on a level playing field, you could—whether aware of it or not—more easily open yourself up to others and not expect to be punished for it in return. This environment and attitude makes it so much easier to grow new friendships.

Now as adults, we know life isn’t as easy as we had it as kids. We learn that people aren’t always kind or fair. We become painfully aware of the concepts of ulterior motive and manipulation. It teaches us to be wary, and to be more careful of whom we choose to trust. And as we get older, we also begin to experience the pain of loss. People who have been hurt generally aren’t willing to open themselves up again and show vulnerability to strangers, but that kind of willingness to put yourself out there is what it takes to build true friendships.

It can still be done, of course. Many working adults find new friends at their job site. Some of the strongest bonds are found among those in high-stress work environments like the military and medical fields, because shared trauma amongst colleagues is a very powerful equalizer from which to draw common ground. It’s also why sports and videogames are extremely popular for socialization; like any hobby, there are communities built around the intricacies of these activities with like-minded people who all, at some level, understand the jargon that identifies them as part of the in-group. It’s easier to befriend others with the same hobbies because, by being part of a community you already are interested in, you’ve already subconsciously vetted these people on some level.

I won’t presume to make any suggestions for you on how to use this information, because aside from this post I know nothing else about your life. But I hope it helps guide your thinking.